We Can't All Be Rembrandts

Literal: The labor of one's own hand is beautiful

It's been pretty heavy lately here in Brillville and when I read this proverb I had a bit of a chuckle. So it felt like a nice place to end the week.

I became sincerely interested in art when our French III class in high school took a quarter off and learned about Impressionism and the styles and artists which evolved from the movement. The lessons have always stayed with me.  I took Audrey to the Met when she was 12 and I was interested to see how many of my lessons I would recall. I taught her about Degas' jockey silks and ballerinas, Monet's study of light, and how Matisse had gone to Tahiti for inspiration. I explained the folds in Cezanne's table cloths and I was able to show her the profound dedication that would be required while teaching her about the invention of Pointillism. I had always remembered the nickname "Seurat the Dot" but had never been able to see it up close to really appreciate the magnificence. I couldn't believe how much of it I still held on to from so many years prior. Of course, the story of Van Gogh and the possibility of his having cut his own ear off for having heard voices is the thing that excited Audrey the most. After all of the wonderful things we had viewed that day, many I had anxiously waited years to see, she picked a book from the Museum gift store about a guy because he had cut off his ear.

It was always important for me to give Audrey a genuine appreciation for the amazing talents people had been able to foster in their lives, whenever possible. We went to countless musicals where we had memorized every word to every song long before we sat down and then tried desperately to be quiet throughout the show so our neighbors wouldn't hate us. We went to the symphony and the ballet a few times, where, I do believe, one of us was way more transfixed than the other (wink). But she was always grateful for the opportunity to get dressed up and have a new experience. I am proud, looking back, that I chose to find the money to give her those opportunities in lieu of whatever may have been going on at the time. I know that their impressions were long lasting and will be passed on to my grandchildren one day. At present, they are being passed on to her fiance. I'm not entirely sure that he appreciates it quite as much as she does, but he is a good sport about it.

Sadly, however, I have never had a single knack for creating things of beauty myself. Audrey will still manage a belly laugh when remembering my attempts at creating her Madeline costume in kindergarten or making a simple alteration to a dress for a 4th grade play where I completely and literally ruined the dress. That poor kid!

When she was ready for a big girl bed I found all used wooden pieces of furniture and sanded them and painted them in the prettiest pastels. I had to get stitches because I got frustrated and used a razor blade when sanding became tedious. Then when she was in 5th grade and had to create a boat out of wood that would float for a full minute carrying 1 pound weight without sinking, I managed more stitches. We tried popsicle sticks, then toothpicks and finally gave up and got a block of wood from the hobby store and a wood knife. I managed to slit my own wrist trying to do a child's science project.

Repeatedly in my 22 years as a devoted mother I have been able to prove that I have no business building or creating things with my hands. There is something beautiful in all of those efforts, however. The intent truly was lovely. I knew in my minds eye just what would make something perfect and my heart wanted to do the best that I could. As much as Audrey has quite a few "Oh Mommy!?" stories, she also has memories of her mommy trying to do something special for her. And she never suffered for any of my creative failings, so I will call it a success.


CORRECTION: I did manage to create one thing that is absolutely beautiful.

Our Evolution

Literal: A jewel cannot be hidden for long

(A person or thing with special skills, talents or qualities is like a bright jewel, and cannot be hidden for long. One day these virtues will be seen by everyone).



I have a theory that I've been forming for a long time. It is completely based on supposition and I would never have any capacity to really research it, but I think about it often. I will try to explain it here and it may end up being interesting. And it may end up going in circles, as my mind tends to do.

A look at the rules and confines of our society would easily prove that we are very limited in what we will accept or acknowledge from others. If someone says they are clairvoyant, many will think they are a liar. It is quickly dismissed. But I always then ask why these people cannot be clairvoyant? If I am sitting in the cafeteria at work having a discussion with friends and someone says that an Olympian broke a men's long jump record and went 9 meters, my first reaction would be to ask, "How far is that in feet?" But what if, after being told that was nearly 30 feet I denied that it was possible? What if I countered by telling my friends that it is impossible for someone to jump that far, because I can't do it? I would be an ass.

We have a lot of those types of limitations in society. But I can be shown a video and then understand that, apparently, other people can jump farther than I can. Why can't we then accept that maybe other people have gifts that we don't have that can't be proved? No offense to some people but the existence of God is an idea that is generally accepted and no one can prove that. But it is acceptable in almost any circle of our society to talk about God as a matter of fact and not be dismissed. You will rarely find that kind of acceptance for ideas like telepathy, clairvoyance or astral projection. The people who tell us that they experience these phenomena are usually quickly ostracized and ignored. Society has conditioned itself to think this way because the majority of people do not have these abilities. It is frightening to imagine another human being having so much power, because that is what it would be. We accept other types of power that many of us lack, however. We allow people to have physical power or financial or even spiritual power. But most people will not accept that someone can have a special ability that would allow them to see the world in a way that is in complete contradiction to their own. But the majority of people couldn't jump half the length of the current world record holders, and we accept that others can.

Likewise there are very strict ideas in our culture about intelligence that are limiting, I think. We surely need a way to test for intelligence and determine ones capacity to learn to make sure that information is being received and understood or applied properly in a learning environment, but the way we are expected to think is very narrow. Most things we are given as facts. It used to be a fact that the world was flat. Until it wasn't. Because humans are inherently arrogant, I wonder how many truths we miss finding because we have already settled on them and never questioned ourselves again.

Personally, I have always struggled in math. To this day, when I am figuring out some things my brain takes a path that is natural for me and foreign for others. It exhausted teachers because it was not the correct way to do it. Never mind the fact that the answer was right. If I were given a problem, say, where I needed to determine 30% of 250, I would first analyze the easiest route which is that 200 is 2 100s, then I would do the math first for 100 where 30% is 30. There are 2 100s in 200 so I double the 30 for 60. For the 50, I would take half of my 30, which is 15 and add that to 60 to get 75. That was too many steps. I had a teacher in 8th grade who would get frustrated that I didn't do it the way he taught me. But the way he tried to teach me didn't make sense to me and he refused to allow me to get there my way. Incidentally, 8th grade was the last time I believed I could do math. Thanks, Dude.

So we all receive and process information differently. If our society deems only a single way to comprehend data as valid, what are we missing out on? What brilliant minds are out there thinking about incredible ideas that we have labeled with something considered negative and told them that they are wrong? Then what of people with autism? Studies of prodigies have found connections to higher functioning (I hate that classification and am sorry to use it here, honestly) autistic people as having had a much higher number of family members with similar diagnoses than those of Americans at large. So these genuinely gifted and brilliant people have an actual trait in their families where autism is found. But most of our autistic children are deemed "special needs," which in our society is a negative. It then becomes necessary to train them to conform to our world. That structure would be counterproductive if we were trying to appreciate their differences and learn from them.

It seems to me that if a group of people are put into a single box and then you let a handful out and say they are high-functioning you lose out on discovering what the differences are in the way that those left behind think. Maybe they have something brilliant to teach us but we are too busy painting them with a broad brush and ignoring their minds where we could learn from them. Maybe it is our responsibility to find a new way to communicate to them so we can not only learn from them, but help to relieve the anxiety they must suffer from while being so incredibly misunderstood.

We are very comfortable being sure of our own superiority. Maybe we are inferior. Maybe there are groups of people who have evolved or are evolving and we refuse to see their gifts. Many would think it absurd to attempt to learn from those with autism or would dismiss the idea that a person can help you communicate with a loved one who has passed. I am certain that, because of our arrogance, the human race misses out on a lot of opportunities for growth. And that is, ultimately, where we miss out on a lot of beauty.


***I hope that no parent or loved one of a person with autism reads this and finds offense. I do not discount anyone's experiences or frustrations. I am speaking in generalities and wishing we could all embrace those who are different and believe that we could learn from them and grow from trying to find value in all things that we presently don't understand.***

I Know You Are ...

Literal: Respect others in order to be respected.


I imagine this proverb is found in most cultures. It is so simple. Right? It would be much simpler if it were not just universally accepted, but universally practiced. I have lamented for days about the TeaParty. And they have kind of exceeded even my expectations of how low a person can go in order to win an argument. That is not to say, however, that we were ever having the same argument. Any fact offered is generally met with something to the level of, "Nu'huh. You are." One guy was good enough to rewrite the Bible for me today to justify his disdain for the poor. I'm sure Jesus appreciated his efforts. That was probably an oversight or mistranslation. Many will send you a clever meme to make a point. When, exactly, did a meme become such a valid piece of evidence in a debate? It then hit me. This is not a debate. This is a game.

I can't play games. As with most things in life, I take politics too seriously. In January I took a look at the controversy over the movie American Sniper (see blog here) where I tried to start my reflection from the center. I am generally pretty left on a lot of things, but when I hear people talk shit about soldiers and vets, I get pretty pissed. I could understand the controversy about what a sniper does and the fact that he said he did not regret it, but I could also go deeper and realize that he would have to think that way to exist. I also realized that he was saying this after many tours and any PTSD that he may have been suffering from would be veiled under a demeanor that could say nothing else. I concluded that his job is very necessary these days. In my deliberate attempt to start from the center, I was quite proud of my ability to remain there throughout. I determined that this was going to be the way I would approach all things in the future. I would always want to really dig into the mindset of the opposition so that I could have a level and respectful dialogue.

Respectful dialogue is impossible, however, with the Tea Party fanatics. They don't want to debate or discuss, they just want to fight. And, I will admit, I do play along. In general, I am a lovely human being. But if you ask me to be a bitch, I will oblige. I think I am guilty of baiting them, too. I'm sure I am, actually. I discuss something that is an actual fact and complete my contention by letting them know they are stupid. Its mean. It really is. I never judge people for things about themselves that they can't help. That is, by the way, why I am a Liberal.

These fanatics can't help that they are stupid. But they can help that they are mean. And they choose to be vile. Some of my little hashtags on my profile say #Adoptee #AnxietyDisorder #Depression #Feminist. And my profile line, which is a joke to anyone with just a hint of a sense of humor, states that I am unemployed (I am unemployed, but its only in my profile because I was making light of it). Oh Holy Shit do they have a field day with that information. Since I've been a kid I have been really funny about whose judgment I am willing to receive. Basically, if you aren't one of the handful of people in my life that I am really living for, I don't care about your opinions. I doubt that I would have listed any of the things in my profile if I were vulnerable about them. Of course, they don't know that. And someone with less self-esteem could really be hurt by their shit.

One guy, after seeing that I have depression suggested that I drink bleach. I am adorable. It went straight over my head. I asked why anyone would want to drink bleach, it sounded so stupid. He then explained that I should kill myself. Charming. Another suggested, due to my having been adopted, that it was a shame my mother couldn't afford an abortion. Brilliant. Countless have criticized me in the last couple of days for being unemployed and demanded my shame for taking up their hard earned tax dollars. Ok. My favorite though, was a guy who said things about my mother doing sex acts with him. I cannot explain the acts or his assertion though, because the sentence made no sense. I went back to find it and I think he has blocked me.

But honestly, this is how they have a discussion. Why discuss the issues? Just try to hurt someone's feelings and consider it a victory! It boggles my mind. How do they function in society? How do their families bear them during the holidays? How much hate can one soul embrace? It really is sad. I often tell them that I feel bad for them. And I do.

When they aren't throwing barbs, they are posting memes. I guess that it doesn't occur to them that the best way to prove my point of your having been conditioned to believe what you do is to send me the talking points you have been sent. One of my more brilliant arguments today was with a guy who was working hard to convince me that the Dems are racist. Its one of their new talking points in this opposite world they don't question. He sent me this meme to make his point, asking me what part of this wasn't racist.

To which I (obviously) replied: "The part where he's stating a fact. Moron. Acknowledging that racism existed isn't racist. Denying it, however, is." Great. That should give him pause. Of course not. His reply was (sigh): "Get a job Angie I'm tired of supporting dumb asses like you with my tax $." Well played, sir. I think you've made your point.

Another fine gentleman decided that my contention about the Tea Party using Goebbels' tactics was absolutely ridiculous. He sent me this:

I have absolutely no idea how to respond to that. How could anyone be expected to even attempt a dialogue with someone who implied that poor Joseph Goebbels has been falsely accused throughout history?

I don't know. It goes on and on. It took me a single day to realize that trying to have conversations would not be useful. I thought that if I challenged them and asked them to support what they were saying it might give them pause. But they have been so well conditioned that they have an answer for everything. And the worst part is, their answer is, quite often, the exact opposite of the truth. This should prove my point:

There is nothing you can do with a group of people who actually believe every single thing they are told. But I still think they are the minority. I still think there are a lot of people out there who don't realize that the "R" on their ballot really represents a "T." If we could find a way to get the message to them in the next year and a half, we might be able to get our country back on track.

I do, quite sincerely, respect everyone. At first. I am often let down later, however, because I assume everyone I meet is a nice person. And I do believe that if you don't treat others with respect that you shouldn't expect to receive it in return. From now on, I will gladly concede any respect I believe I am due when dealing with the fanatics on the right. Its exhausting to work out how they think and why they behave the way they do. I guess everyone who said its best to just ignore them was right. But my bleeding liberal heart still wants to fix them. Poor Angie.

Brainwash. Rinse. Repeat.

As a person who is quite contemplative and thoughtful, and who has suffered repercussions for it many times, I have found myself questioning if there is truth to our own proverb "Ignorance is bliss." I have had an opportunity to have that smack me in the face repeatedly over the last couple of months as I became more familiar with and involved in social media. Like many, I have always been puzzled by the people who are passionately bound to ideas that are so obviously untrue. The majority of people who are paying attention can see the propaganda ploys that the uneducated are trapped by. I wonder if they are repeating these untruths because they sincerely believe them or because they desperately want to believe them?

Today the Tea Party is telling its followers, who then repeat, ideas that are absolutely ludicrous. They are all over social media telling others that Liberals are racist. It's kind of incredible, really. They will not be swayed by facts, though. They, quite obviously, don't need those. When you confront them with and ask them to consider America's history on race, they won't hear you. That is the beauty of ignorance. A person with no curiosity can absolutely be convinced of anything. And I cannot imagine a better group of people to unite and form a backward political party around.

As a part of my research for personal understanding into how their manipulation works, I went looking for Tea Party blogs. Yes, they are just what you would imagine: full of words that are either woefully misspelled or don't exist in the English language, hate speech at its most vile, condemnation for everything the President does or says, condemnation of anything in society that is deemed remotely liberal, condemnation of entire groups of people, praise for Jesus Christ (yes, that is funny) and an absolute lack of morality while praising that very same good Lord's name.

This is all part of a finely tuned narrative and its means of delivery. The very dimmest of the followers who are only looking for hate and unity are able to go to the internet and promote misinformation all day long. If you are not a curious person and someone tells you that your party has always been the one that has promoted and encouraged equality, you happily accept that as truth and think, "Damn straight!" You will not ask yourself why you and the rest of the party faithful have been posting the most racist things imaginable about our President, or black communities, or immigrants, or Muslims (I know that Muslims are part of a religious group, and I sincerely apologize for generalizing for space, please accept my acknowledgement as a means to make a point about people who don't know the difference anyway). Likewise, these same followers will gladly discuss and demand that Liberals hate Jews. They do not ask themselves, "Wait, don't I hate Jews? Wasn't that part of my conditioning in the beginning that led me to loving this party? We are supposed to hate Jews, right?" Nope. They just wash their brains, rinse, repeat.

The Tea Party's new found love for Jews is startling, to be sure. The Tea Party, after all, calls Ron Paul its "father." And he is a noted anti-Semite. But the rhetoric started changing around the same time the party realized it was going to have to reach out to voters beyond their usual demographic (White. Christian. Male). I can't imagine how confusing it must have been for the party faithful to have to just change their opinions on a dime. But it was done, masterfully.

Research on blogs will take you back in time where, seemingly out of nowhere, those commenting with any anti-Semitic speech were quickly ostracized by those in their party. Poor. Stupid. Hateful. Bastards. God! How confusing for them! As recently as 2010, the RNC had all kinds of hate speech on its Facebook wall saying that Israel was responsible for 9/11 and that we needed to rise up against the Zionist Jews who were controlling our country. But they don’t question it. “So? I love Jews now. And Obama and the liberals hate them? Okay. I will need more talking points though, because my old ones are obviously outdated.”

Of course, this change in direction had even more to do with the party's expanded belief (of Republicans at large, as well) to have more war. Always. They took up the cause of Israel because they could see a brand new war on the horizon. A war full of glorious defense contracts and rallies of patriotism to garner even more misled followers. But, again, only their leadership could actually see what was going on.

I have been absolutely confounded with this world of opposites I have found online. Although I can understand tools of propaganda and marvel at their brilliant use here in America, it still leaves me dumbfounded. And it leaves me with questions I haven't found answers to. I don't know how America can progress with these people having the voice that they do in society. Because the left is more educated and more thoughtful, they don't engage in arguments with these Tea Partiers. They feel it is beneath them. But, at present, the louder voice ends up as the only one really being heard.

The party has been so adept at spinning non-facts that they have managed to get the media to focus on them in a way that makes them look larger than they are. Initially they used the idea of "Liberal Media" as a means of intimidation. When any media outlet would report anything negative about anyone on the right, they were publicly dismissed and denounced for bias. Now many of those media outlets go out of their way to tell their stories with a more centered tone, regardless of whether or not the story warrants it. When the right consistently stymie all attempts at legislation, the media should be reporting on that without fear of retribution. When Americans who get their news at 6:30 for a half hour with their dinner aren't given the whole story, you validate the contention that you are illegitimate. But not for the reasons the jackasses on the right say you are. The not-so Liberal media should define causation when laws don't get passed and nominees don't get confirmed. Americans deserve to know why a sex-trafficking bill is being hindered by the right. They should be allowed their outrage when understanding the stance the right is taking on this important issue because they want to limit abortion rights to those victims. If we have a freedom of the press, and the objective of that press is to inform Americans, they are doing everyone a disservice. But they don't for fear of being called Liberal. The right has actually manipulated the media into helping their cause.

Because of the fear in the media to report stories properly and because the left is too passive to fight back, the Tea Party has been able to work their propaganda ploy with amazing precision. If the objectives and tactics on the left don't change, it will only continue to get worse. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who consider themselves Republicans who are not getting the whole picture and don't pay close enough attention that would be mortified to see how their party has been hijacked. I happen to know some of those Republicans who walk in to voting booths, check the Rs and go home.

What did the passive intellectuals see and ignore in the 20s and 30s that allowed the Nazi party to become what it was? And how did they feel about themselves by the mid-40s? I'm sure it seems outlandish to some, to liken the Tea Party and the Nazi party, but those who know the history will easily draw the same connections that I have. As long as we continue to ignore them and allow them to have this voice, we give them the power to build it for as long as they need, and to whichever ends they seek.

While the propagandists on the right are monopolizing every facet of American media to manipulate the stories and their spin, the left are sitting there taking the high road so as to not lower themselves to the level of the right. Because we have actual facts, the kind that can be supported with documentation that actually exists and not just memes created to excite those who can't be bothered to read, we could go a long way in this fight toward bringing some sense and normalcy back to these debates. But as long as we allow them to prater on as if no one is listening, we allow them to prater on where many others actually are listening. We are, by virtue of our history and moral platform, on the high road. But trying to prove it to people who aren't paying attention anyway is getting us nowhere.

As much as their leadership likes to take advantage of their ignorance, we would do well
to consider doing the same. Apparently, they don't mind.

They Got Their "Facts" From the Radio, Too

The Tea Party is such a puzzle to me. I have always been curious about sociology. I want to know why people do the things they do. It has always been something that has both fascinated and tortured me. As a child my mind could not accept that slavery was a thing. I couldn't understand how people could steal other human beings and force them to leave their families and their homes and work and be abused and actually be owned by other people. I could not understand it. Likewise, when I learned about the Holocaust, I pretty much lost my shit. I think they are equally tragic. They both were attempts at a decimation of a large group of people. Both were exploited as a workforce for no pay. And both groups ended up being murdered in the most horrific means imaginable and their plights were both ignored for far too long by people who should have done right as human beings.

I think the Holocaust was more painful for me because its introduction to me was by video. I literally saw naked, skin and bone dead bodies in a pile being bulldozered into a huge pit. After that, there were many videos and lessons to come. I remember when we read the Diary of Anne Frank I could not get past the fact that it was one family. Of the millions of families who were safe in these countries during this time, so few did anything to help their friends and neighbors. I was bound to learn how that could happen. I needed an answer that would explain to me how millions of people could be so easily led into a situation like the one they were in and not have an uprising or do anything to help.

There are some things that end up being awful but are morally questionable at first where people could not see what was coming. This was not one of them. The beginnings of the involvement of the citizens was called The Night of the Broken Glass. I believe it was 94 or 96 Jews were killed that night. The citizenry was encouraged to go out in the streets and destroy the synagogues and homes and businesses of the Jews and beat them. AND THEY DID IT. Many tens of thousands of Jews were then deported to the concentration camps.

The more I researched the more I was sickened and disgusted with humanity. I believe that most people are born with a strong understanding of the difference between right and wrong. There are a handful of people that probably come broken or are led there, but most know what is right. The fact that an entire nation (and eventually many more nations) went along with years of this atrocity and did nothing about it was absolutely unfathomable.

When I learned about Goebbels, I was fascinated. And mortified. I am sure that propaganda has been used on some level in history in many places for many reasons. But I think he found the exact recipe to actually get all of the people to go along with it. And he patiently took the time to build it so the messages would seep in and become a part of someone's permanent mindset. He studied people and their weaknesses. He understood the ways to use fear and German Exceptionalism and intimidation. He used all means of media available to him at the time: TV, radio, newspapers and even the movies people watched. He carefully crafted the information that the citizens were receiving and even things that the students were being taught in schools. He literally created a citizenry that believed in what they were doing, regardless of the fact that it was against every hint of morality they had been born with.

Those carefully crafted propaganda ploys have been studied and implemented ever since the techniques were mastered in the 30s and 40s. At present, a small faction of the American population is under a similar misconception by those who are leading them. They claim to be demanding changes in our country to make it better for its citizens and more like the Christian nation they seek, but they are being diverted from seeing the fact that everything they are seeking is in complete contradiction with the teachings of Jesus Christ. They hate the Muslims. They hate gays. They hate black "thugs." They hate poor people who need assistance.  Jesus was totally serious about that bit where no one should be judging others lest they be judged. What? Do they think that was a misprint? But, whatever. Jesus never hated anyone, by the way. Jesus would never demand that immigrants be forced to leave and return to a violent homeland. I'm just sure of it. Didn't he love all the little children of the world?  Or was that someone else? And I feel confident saying that Jesus would not encourage anyone to rally for gun rights. I'd bet he wouldn't like weapons at all.

I am not a Christian. I was confirmed in the Methodist Church when I was 13 but it was because I was a kid and that was what my family told me to do. I grew up and decided that none of the religions completely convinced me or spoke to me and I now identify as an Agnostic. I have genuine respect for Christians, though. True Christians, anyway. There are people of all faiths who sincerely do their best every day trying to follow the tenets of their religion to be the best person that they can be and honor those teachings. It is a lovely way to live and a nice guide, when necessary. I do not respect people who conflate the teachings to fit their own agendas and exploit the weak who cannot see the truth. There are many groups who do that overseas like Isis and Al Qaeda and Boko Haram. They have fuckered up their religion beyond recognition. The Tea Party has done the same with Christianity.

I am an empathetic person and I always aspire to understand people and help them when I can. I do not need for there to be a hell to want to be a good person. I want to be a part of a positive change in the world in helping people in need when I can, and accepting them when I cannot.

The sad truth is that some of us want to understand the weaknesses of others so we can reach them and help them. And some want to understand people so they can manipulate them and exploit their weaknesses.

Absolutely. Jesus Hated Everyone, Too.

You really have to hope she doesn't know what tea bagging means. I'm pretty sure Jesus would rather she didn't.

The above proverb immediately brought to mind the Tea Party movement. This group was initially created as a libertarian alternative to the GOP, but was quickly hijacked and has since focused none of its policies on those ideals. They quickly found a following in response to America's having even considered electing a black President. This consideration was bad enough, to be sure, but when he was actually elected, they completely lost their shit. Their leaders had a very singular objective: ruin this presidency at all costs. They met immediately upon his inauguration and decided that, no matter what, they would derail every one of his priorities. The right has always had the capacity to create chaos out of nothing, but not with the passion and unbridled hate that they began displaying at this time.

Out of desperation to ruin this President, they showed they were willing to do anything, including a decimation of their own reputations. They created a political movement that would be able to exist on the narrow agenda their politicians campaign on. To my mind, there are three types of Tea Partiers: there are the benefactors who benefit from the election of those who espouse the party's ideology, there are accidental members who vote for them whether or not they really understand or hear their campaigns (I associate those with people who generally walk in to a voting booth, check all of the "R"s and go home), and those who are activists. The activists are the ones who are out there with poorly spelled signs and who rally against their best interests every time they are given an opportunity. The accidental members are those who are ruining it for the rest of us. They literally have no idea what is going on and most of them, if they did, would no longer be voting for the Rs. The benefactors are mainly the wealthiest of Americans who find great relief in the movement because they have identified a large group of people who will always go to the polls and vote for whatever and whomever they are told. All they need to do is offer them leadership who spews as much hate as they do about the same things and they are a lock. Easy enough. So they fund those politicians and make sure they are on all of the news shows screaming as much nonsense as they possibly can. Not only does this get their base riled up, but it keeps their ideas in the news. This rhetoric is repeated and Americans soon become desensitized to it and consider it commonplace to hear people call their President the N-word. And that is really important in order to keep their constituency happy. And it is also very easy. They have their own cable network with the word "news" in its title, after all. And 77% of the Tea Party activists watch it exclusively.

It was very easy for the Tea Party to find an activist following because they spat out all of the ugly things that society deemed unacceptable. And those who had to keep their racism and hatred to themselves and were banished to the outskirts of polite society were now very excited to have found a place to unite. All that any politician had to do to win their votes was to spew hate and veil any insult toward the left in racist remarks. Of course, they could also use religion, education level and anything else that divided the majority of intelligent Americans from their followers, as well.

Those of us in America who could actually see what was going on watched what was happening and felt confident that it wouldn't last. We were naïve to believe that there weren't enough small minded people in the country to elect these politicians. But what we failed to consider in the equation was how completely gullible their followers were and how easily they would be led. And they were also the ones who were so excited to finally have a voice that they would go out of their way to not only vote, but promote ideas of keeping others from having the same right.

It was clear from the beginning that the politicians didn't even respect their constituents. On September 15, 2012, Rick Santorum was quoted as having said,"We will never have the elite, smart people on our side." This should have offended them, but he put the key word "elite" in there. That is one of their red meat phrases that they have learned to use as a propaganda tool to distract their followers from what they are really doing.

They sincerely need to be a part of something. These racist activists have been on the outside of society for so long and have been so isolated and so condemned that they would probably be willing to put up with a lot to feel the connection and unity of this fellowship that they were finally getting to be a part of. They have ignored the fact that they are repeating rants against themselves. They generally are the poorest of Americans, but they are continually condemning the poor. They rally around the 1% and their rights to do whatever they damn well please in a capitalistic society.

They are willing to oppose their rights to have health care because those leaders who offer them a safe place to be racist members of society tell them it is so wrong and unfair. THEY BELIVE THAT.

The Tea Party members are said to be the most religious of all political parties. And the overwhelming majority identify themselves as being Christian. Yes, that is funny. But they don't know that. They fail to see that the entire message of Jesus was being all about love and doing unto others and all of that. About a decade ago, these same people proudly wore bracelets asking, "WWJD?" Ill bet he wouldn't be at a Tea Party rally holding up a sign condemning other people. Most of them probably can't even define irony, so we can't expect them to understand when they are living it.

The activists are out in masses screaming about those nasty immigrants and demanding their immediate removal. No matter what! Even if the children were born here - just send their parents back then, I don't fucking care. They are so desperate to have people to feel superior to. And they hate the LGBT community. Just like the immigrants, it's just glorious to have someone's rights they can still take away.

So, knowing the needs of their small constituency, their politicians make sure to speak about little else. And, because these activists are not savvy or intelligent enough to see it, they are easily taken advantage of by those in power. I always visualize times when I was a kid and I used to play with a tennis ball in the back yard with my dog, Pepper. I would pretend to throw it and then hide it behind my back. That is what the Tea Party politicians are doing to their voters. They get them all excited about hating gays and Muslims and the poor and black "thugs" and fear of losing their guns and trying to prevent abortion and demanding birth certificates and getting rid of Obamacare that they miss the fact that the only thing they're doing in Washington is wreaking havoc on our democracy and accomplishing absolutely nothing on the promises they've made. Pepper was always too smart to be fooled. The Tea Party are not. They are so eager to have a place to belong that they don't see what they are doing to themselves and the nation they claim to love so much.

A Place to Call Home

Literal: Everyone's homeland is like Kashmir to them. (All people have a natural attachment to their homeland).


Not too long ago, but before my father passed, we were all home for Christmas. My mom, Audrey and I were in the living room with two of my nieces watching a movie. My sister entered the room and told my mom, "Uncle Shane called me and asked for all of our pictures and information on Ken's family, too." Uncle Shane is my grandfathers brother, my moms uncle. My mom told Dawn that he is getting all of the family information together because he is working on a genealogy project. I told my mom, "He hasn't called me." She said, "You won't be in it, Angie," very matter-of-factly. She sounded almost annoyed. Audrey, who never takes my side against Grammy, and also wouldn't that night, quickly glanced at me with a look of pity. She knew that was going to hurt. My moms face showed no acknowledgement of how that must have hurt me. I took a moment to collect myself before speaking. As soon as they realize I am upset they tune me out. It has been conditioned in my family from childhood. I wanted to make sure I had all of this clear. I asked her, "So when the babies grow up," (I call my nieces and nephew, collectively, "the babies", although none of them are even toddlers any more), "So when the babies grow up and have grandchildren of their own who look into their family trees, they will find no mention of the Aunt Gigi and cousin Audrey they had heard stories about? We won't even be there with an asterisk or something?" My mothers face now looked indignant. How dare I try to make her feel bad? Yeah. How dare I?

I went to bed. There is never a less compassionate room than that one. My family determined a long time ago that I am too emotional and to allow me time to "get over it" was the best option in all cases. I cried myself to sleep that night. The fact that I could, in my mid 30s, still bawl about feeling like an outsider in my family is the best way I can think of to explain the disconnect and its pain which come from having been adopted. I have explained my own understanding of my detachment issues (see blog, No, Thanks), which are not all derived from having been adopted, but that is the core of it, for sure.

I feel the need to promote here the fact that my mother loves me. She said what she did matter-of-factly because, to her, it was a matter of fact. She has been a gift in my life that without I would have committed suicide as a teenager. She listened to me cry almost daily back then about my self hatred, and issues of my inability to connect. She was just never able to understand it. Some people are more empathetic than others. She would show me more love than most in my life, but I was never really understood.

Anyway... I was always desperate for something to identify with as a child. I imagine a lot of people may feel fine with identifying their homeland as being America, although it is a land of immigrants, because they have their own family histories and regions to identify with. Having been adopted, though, I feel detached from that. I always had grand ideas of where I must have come from. I bet that is pretty common for adoptees.

When I saw The Godfather, I determined that I wanted to be Italian. That revelation has always kind of scared me. They were mobsters, for Christ's sake. WTF Angie? But lately I have been watching the PBS documentary series called The Italian Americans and it all finally made sense to me. Italians are known for being incredibly close families. As a child, the family seemed to all fit in. They may have had differences of opinion, but they were all a part of a family unit where they would never be denied their role or feel alienated from (I had not seen The Godfather II for quite some time. Poor Fredo). They pulled together and took care of one another and supported one another, no matter what. When Connie was being abused by her husband, her brother went and beat the shit out of him. That is how it should be in a family. I longed for a connection like the ones the Coreleone's had.

From the first time I saw The Godfather I wanted to be Italian. I talked about it. I would speak the word with the long "I." I was adorable. My mom even got me a sweatshirt for Christmas in 8th grade that said "Italia." I was so desperate for something to feel a connection to. I had none, though. I knew that having a sweatshirt and a desire didn't really give me a tie to anything.

When I found my natural mother, she had very little to give me. She didn't want to answer my many questions about her, thus my, history. She was very closed about everything. Her mother, however, was open about some things, including her nationality. It really was beautiful. Not only was she Italian, but she was born in Italy. She came over on a boat at 14 months old. And her last name ended in a vowel. Can you stand it?!? I was Italian. My grandmothers maiden name was Frustaci. I have confidently identified as Italian ever since, even though I really only have knowledge of 1/4 of my ancestry.

I have tried to do some search into my ancestry. I have found very little. Their boat came from southern Italy and their immigration documents say they lived in a place called Calabria. Through the PBS documentary I learned that the Southern Italians are considered the lesser Italians. I could care less. Of course, I didn't have to suffer from the discrimination that they had to, either. I am just glad to have found a place to connect with. I am hoping to find more information about all of my ancestry one day and have opportunities to visit those places. I don't have any desire to find my relatives or anything, I would just like to walk through its streets and learn its history and breathe its air. Since Audrey took me to an OSU football game for my 40th birthday, I would now put that at the top of my bucket list.

#AfghanProverbs #PashtoProverbs #Adoption #Italy #Calabria #Detachment #Ancestry #Frustaci #ItalianAmericans #PBS